War Rages On
by rosabayaandditto
Summary: Those of you on Wattpad will know this as Ditto but War Rages On is a dual narrative story following Private Molly Dawes and Lieutenant Philippa James (sister of The Boss Man) as they pick up the pieces and try to move on after Afghanistan. CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE THAT IS IN THE SHOW.
1. Chapter 1

Molly's P.O.V

I jumped out of the car, waving goodbye to my family. As much as I'd missed them, he was more important, he was everything. I knew I was gonna get bollocked for going off on my own but I didn't give one, he was all that mattered to me. I hurried down the corridor after asking at reception where I could find him. I took the lift and ran to the room. I stared through the window. His bed was empty.

"They took him to theatre." Smurf's familiar voice told me from behind as I rested my hand against the window in despair. Our last conversation rang in my mind "It was your fault.", "we're gonna lose him,", "they had to resuscitate him." I could barely breathe. I turned round to face the man whose heart I had shattered. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a pretty young woman in a British Army hoody and jogging bottoms sat leaning against an alcove. A young boy lay sleeping on her lap as she gently brushed his hair with her hands. She didn't see me but my heart sank…the Boss' wife. Smurf grinned, "She's beautiful isn't she."

"Is she army?" I asked in a hushed voice.

"Yeah. Lieutenant James. She was on tour with Geraint when he…you know."

"I didn't know that was allowed."

"It isn't but there was an error in the records and it was overlooked, obviously they didn't point it out."

"I didn't realise she was army."

"What did you think she was? A stay at home housewife?"

"Never really thought about it."

"She hasn't left his side since Bastion, well as much as they'd let her."

"She was at Bastion?"

"Yeah! She is gonna be in so much shit when it's over because she got overly involved in the Emergency Arrivals area and then disobeyed orders left, right and centre, I just hope they put it down as compassionate."

"I never realised they were that close."

"Oh it's crazy. He's ridiculous about her, the slightest cut and she would be marched to the medic's tent. He loves her like crazy!"

I felt a lump form in my throat as I looked over at her, holding the little boy close to her. As she moved her head I could see by her tear-stained face that she'd been crying. The boy stirred and she lifted him up and he rested his head on her chest before falling asleep again. She covered him with her coat and closed her eyes as tears trickled down her face. I noticed two rings around her neck and remembered that I was still wearing Smurf's mum's ring around mine. He said they were split up…but clearly they weren't.

"The kids cute." I muttered and Smurf nodded.

"Can't help but feel sorry for him though. He barely knows her and now she's all he's got to comfort him while his dad fights for his life."

"What do you mean?"

"Well her and the Boss man fucked off to Sandhurst when he was three and a half and since then they've both done two tours, he's only seven and well, they don't exactly spend much of their time at home."

"Poor kid."

"What kind of mother abandons her child, Moll?"

"I don't know but he's seems pretty settled now."

"Yeah. He does." Smurf smiled. We noticed that the woman was asleep. She only looked about twenty four/ twenty five, she must have been pretty young when the child was born, younger than me! We waited for the Boss Man to be brought back but we weren't allowed any further than the door so we retired to the waiting room again. Smurf barely took his eyes of the Boss Man's wife.

"You seem pretty loved up by her!" I joked and he shook his head.

"Geraint loved her, really loved her and she didn't love him back. I never realised what he saw in her but I suppose if I had kissed her round the back of the food tent I'd love her too."

"Geraint kissed HER round the back of the food tent?"

"Yeah. The Boss weren't happy!"

"I'll bet!"

Part of me felt happy that she was such a terrible person. In her position, I would never have kissed another man round the back of the food tent, I loved him too much. I thought back to the divorce papers I saw, that must have been the reason. Feeling a pang of guilt for the Boss and Geraint, being played by the beautiful girl with the beautiful boy but then, it's the pretty ones that break your heart. The next morning, Smurf had to go back to his room for a few minutes to get his obs checked but I couldn't bring myself to move from the waiting room. I sat there staring into space when suddenly I heard my name being called.

"Molly?" the young woman called, smiling. I turned to look at her. The kid was still asleep on her knee so I shifted closer to her.

"Lieutenant?" I retorted curious as to how she knew my name.

"Don't be so fucking formal. We're in the same boat." She sighed. I was confused, did she know about me?

"Hardly."

"Well, thank you for everything."

"Well it's my job to save him but I don't know how well I did at that." I muttered and she laughed a little. What was funny? Abruptly, her face lit up and she got up, putting the sleeping child down across the chairs. I watched her as she ran to the door. She threw her arms around someone and buried her head in their neck. It was clearly a soldier, it was clearly a man. He kissed her cheek and ran his fingers through her hair.

"It's ok, baby. It's all gonna be ok!" A familiar voice said and I was so confused. He looked up. It was Corporal Kinders!

"Molly?" He smiled. "Why aren't you with Smurf? Has something happened?"

"What are you on about you fuckmuppet?" the woman laughed and Kinders looked confused.

"She's broken the rules to be here to see Smurf!" Kinders explained and the woman shook her head.

"Honey, you're fragged. She's here for Charles." As she said the words, Kinders' face fell and I was overwhelmed with confusion.

"Mummy!" the little boy cried as he woke up startled. The woman went to him, Kinders close behind her. "Not you, I want Mummy, or Daddy." I looked at Kinders and he looked at me back, neither of us understood what was going on.

"Mummy's not here, monkey. It's just me and Uncle Liam." The woman soothed and my eyes widened. The boy began to cry and Kinders nudged her shoulder as she tried to comfort him. The woman nodded and lifted him into Kinders' arms.

"Come to Uncle Liam, rascal! Auntie Pippa needs her coffee and I need a hug from my favourite little man!" Kinders smiled and the boy smiled through his tears as Kinders hugged him tightly. He called her Auntie Pippa! The Boss Man's wife was called Rebecca! So she wasn't his wife. She smiled at Kinders who was rocking the snuffling child and planted a kiss on his cheek before heading out of the waiting room. Seconds later she came back in.

"Li, latte or cap?" She asked and he looked pensive.

"Latte would be loving, babe. I haven't had a latte in six months!" Kinders smiled.

"I'll come with you." I said and Pippa beamed.

"I'd love that." She grinned as I joined her and we walked a few metres in silence before she broke it. "You thought I was Becky didn't you?"

"Becky?"

"Rebecca? Charles' wife."

"Oh, yes I did." I admitted, my cheeks flushing red.

"Sam threw you right!" she laughed. "Do I look good with a kid?"

"Sam?"

"Shit, he never told you did he?"

"Not that he was called Sam."

"He's such a twat sometimes."

"Who?"

"Charles. I bet you call him Boss Man though. He'll never have told you his name was Charles."

"There's a lot I don't know about him."

"Like me? I'm Pippa or Phil if you're in my platoon and Pip if you're an annoying cockwomble like my brother."

"So you're his sister? Not his wife or girlfriend or owt?"

"I was under the impression that that was you, Private Dawes!" she smiled and took a Fruit Shoot, a Latte and a Cappuccino off the woman at the till. Smiling widely, I took my tea and followed her back to the waiting room.


	2. Chapter 2

"So you and Kinders are like, together?" I asked Pippa as we wandered back to the waiting room.

"We're married, two years now but we've spent a year apart because of my deployment. I saw him at Bastion but I got sent to Kandahar and he went with you guys to Kabul." She sighed brushing the ring that hung around her neck against her lips."

"I didn't even know he had a wife!"

"We both decided not to talk about it too much because it's hard you know, being away from someone you love for so long! It's the first time we've been deployed separately but both been in Afghan if you know what I mean."

"How'd you swing that?"

"Well the first deployment was just after Sam was born and I was 18, Charles was 20 and we went out and that's when I met him, he was 23 and I just completely fell in love with him but I didn't tell him and then we went out on this mission on the last day of the tour and there was contact and he turned to me and said "If I die, I want you to know that I love you, ever since I met you." And I was so happy that I didn't know what to say. We got back to Bastion and Charles took me to one side and was like, "don't give into him, he's just trying to get into your pants, trust me he doesn't love you" and then when and gave him the verbal beating of his life and I overheard "If you lay one fucking finger on my fucking sister, I'll flatten you. If you break her heart…well, I'm a trained killer, I think that's all I need to say." So Liam was really nervous all the way home and I was giving him the death glare because I believed Charles and then on decompression he took me on a really romantic date and said he didn't care if I didn't want to be with him in a physical way, he would accept just being my friend but I was like I think we should just see where it goes. I had about a year of normality where we seriously dated and then I went off to Sandhurst for a year with Charles. When I came back he'd been on tour and was really up himself like all the lads are after they go on tour. So I went on tour for a year and came back and he was really apologetic and said he'd never stopped worrying about me and how he couldn't live like that anymore and we got back together. We went away on three of the three month training camps and it's all pretty lax there so that was almost a year of being together then we were offered a year-long tour so we took it and because we weren't actually married or anything we ended up in the same platoon with Charles and for the first few weeks it was good but then everything went a bit shit."

"Smurf said something about Geraint."

"Yeah. Geraint was at the heart of it, really. He was obsessed with me, like completely, he was so flirty and eventually the jealousy set in and there would be these blazing rows between the two of them."

"Kinders and Geraint?"

"Yeah. And Charles had to keep intervening. Then, one day, Geraint ran out into a mine field and the medic was shitting themselves so I went out to deal with it because I was the Lieutenant and also I started out as a Combat Medical Technician so it was a gut instinct. Charles went fucking mental and started screaming orders at me down the radio "Lieutenant James, don't you fucking dare take another step" and then it became "Pippa, if you don't fucking come back right this fucking instant I'll have you up for disciplinary" and I also had "What the fuck are you doing!" coming in from Liam but I managed to get Geraint safely out and Charles lectured him about putting people's lives in danger and stuff but when we got back to camp, I had a massive row with Liam. He was all "You put your fucking life and our fucking future in danger for that prick" and I was like "I'd do the same for anyone" and he just goes "well I don't want to share my girlfriend with the whole section." So I left him and went out to the food tent, really pissed off! Then Geraint was there and he's like "You deserve a kiss for saving my life!" and then full on snogged me and I realised Liam was watching so I started doing it back to spite him."

"Oh shit!"

"Yeah looking back it was a really stupid thing to do but at the time it was the only way to hurt him. Charles went fucking mental and told Geraint that he wasn't to touch me again and all that but of course nobody knew about me and Liam. Anyway it all backfired and a week later I walked into the medical tent to see Liam shagging the medic. I was completely destroyed, I was like "I only fucking kissed him" and "I did it to piss you off" and he was like "well I did that to piss you off" but it was quite a lot more to me than a kiss."

"Had you and him…you know? If you don't mind me asking?"

"Oh yeah, God yeah. He reckoned we must be completely fucked up because statistically I should have got pregnant like six times but he didn't realise that I was on the pill so it was fine."

"Do you not want kids?"

"I'm an army girl. One day maybe I'd have kids but I was getting ready to go to Sandhurst first and then I'd just got back from Afghan and it's not something you do immediately after so it was never the right time."

"So how did you end up married?"

"He apologised and I basically said "Go fuck yourself!" but then he got shot and I was completely beside myself and it proved to me how much I loved him. So I forgave him and he said "When we get home I need you to marry me because I can't pretend that I don't love you anymore." I obviously agreed and Geraint found out. He went completely nuts and gunned down some dickers and then we got contact and he got shot. He died and I felt so guilty."

"Shit that must have been hard."

"It was ridiculously hard. I did care about him a lot like you care about the people in your section. It's just I didn't care about him in the way he wanted me to."

"And Boss Man went to retrieve him?"

"Yeah, he would have done the same for anyone. He didn't like Geraint all that much because of what happened between me and him but he was a good soldier till I shitted him up."

"It ain't your fault."

"I was, I should have been more sensitive and I shouldn't have used him to get at Liam."

"I don't think you can say that for sure. You did some bad shit but we all have. Anyway, that was years ago."

We sat down by Liam who was still holding Sam tightly. He reached out for me so I took him and rocked him on my knee. I felt so sorry for him, he could only vaguely remember me from the few phone calls and visits we managed and now when he was at his most vulnerable...at risk of losing his dad, I was all he had. What was more, the bitch had just fucked off and left him. I get it, she hates Charles' guts but seriously, to fucking leave your child with a distraught aunt he barely knew to cry over the father he barely recognised was an utterly shit thing to do.

Molly was chewing on the edge of her paper cup and I was trying to catch her eye to reassure her but she was staring at a spot on the floor. Liam had his arm resting on the back of my chair, gently running my fingers through my greasy unwashed chocolate brown locks.

"You've still got all the shit from Afghan in your hair, babe." He whispered in my ear and I nodded. "You'll have to have a shower before Barracks." I ignored him. "What's gonna happen to little man when we go to Barracks?"

"I'm not going to Barracks."

"Of course you're going to Barracks."

"I'm not."

"Honey, you don't have a choice!"

"Of course I have a choice."

"Look, you can come with me and Molly and we'll come straight back on Thursday after."

"Do you not speak fucking English?"

"What do you want me to say Philippa? It's ok that you intervened in Bastion, its ok that you disobeyed the Majors orders, its ok that you got on the plane when they told you not to? It's ok that you are camping out at the hospital instead of making sure you sort out your section, its ok that you miss Barracks? None of those things is fucking ok!"

"So if I was shot and I was dying you wouldn't do everything in your power to be with me? You wouldn't try and be there in case I needed someone?"

"You're my wife!"

"He's my brother! I have never spent longer than three months away from him until this last tour and that was so fucking hard! He might die and you expect me to be ok with that?"

"You can't be this over the top about it!"

"Over the fucking top? Did you actually just say that?"

"You fucking promised that you would be at Barracks for me! As well as yourself! You agreed as my wife that you would support me and put on a show! I need this! If they know that I'm married to you I might get that promotion because their reservation was if I would be able to do it but they would know that you would make sure I did."

"Get the fuck out. You are so fucking selfish! You are worried about a fucking promotion when Charles is fighting for his life! After everything he did for you? Fuck off! Go to fucking Barracks, tell them about your trophy wife that's not there because she's dealing with casualties from Afghan."

"Philippa...I didn't...shit. Look fine stay if you want. I'll see you at home."

"I won't be at home."

"Where will you be?"

"My real home. With my real family."

"Don't do this. I'm sorry. What I said was shit, I'm sorry."

"If you want to see me, come to Bath and ask my Mum first. I don't think I can even bear to look at you!"

"You are fucking kidding right?"

"Do I sound like I'm fucking kidding?"

"Ah fuck you Philippa!"

"Fuck you Liam!" I spat and he stormed off. My heart was racing, I had overreacted but he was being so fucking selfish. What was I supposed to do? I turned to Molly, she looked shocked. "Do you think I should have let him say that to me?"

"I...its not my place." She sighed.

"Yes it is, you're technically my sister, I want to know your opinion."

"I think he was being selfish. But at the same time he has a point, you seem to choose Boss Man over him and I can see why that would hurt him."

"If it was the other way round I would do the same for him!"

"I know but I don't think he was thinking about that."

"I couldn't leave him. What if he was alone and he died!"

"It don't bear thinking about, I know."


	3. Chapter 3

Smurf came back into the room and the guilt overwhelmed me. All I could see was Geraint. I felt sick to my stomach. I avoided his gaze and Molly tried to lighten the move but I could hardly stand to be in the same room as him. I shifted uncomfortably as he spoke and immersed myself in hushed conversation with Sam to avoid having to talk to him. I didn't know how much he knew but if he knew it all I don't know how he could be in the same room as me. Suddenly, my phone started to ring. I took it out of my pocket.

"If its Liam he can fuck right off!" I said to Molly and she smiled.

"Give him a chance."

I stared down at the display: INCOMING CALL – REBECCA JAMES.

"Who is it?" Sam asked and I pressed the green button before handing the phone to him.

"It's your Mummy." I told him and he smiled.

"She wants to talk to you."

I took the phone off him a pressed it to my ear. "Rebecca?"

"Philippa. I'm on my way to collect Sam, he's been there long enough. If he was going to wake up he'd have done it by now."

"Don't be fucking stupid!"

"Do not use that language in front of my son!"

"Oh yeah because Charles doesn't!"

"No because Charles is never there!"

"Well you can come and get him and you can explain to him why you left him to cry himself to sleep and you can explain to him why he won't be there when his dad wakes up and you can explain to him why he will never see you again after we get full custody."

"You won't get full custody."

"We will, Rebecca! He is a Captain in the British Army so he won't even need a character reference, he is financially secure and I can prove that you are an unfit mother. These last 24 hours are just another testament to that."

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh Rebecca, you underestimate me. Was it not you that called me a ruthless and heartless woman that kills for fun?! So you would have no difficulty in believing that I would stoop that low." I snapped and Molly's eyes widened. Smurf's jaw dropped.

"I didn't say that." Rebecca stuttered realising her error.

"You did."

"Is Sam there?"

"Oh are you worried that your comment isn't suitable for him to hear?"

"Just stop being a bitch, Philippa."

"They day I stop being a bitch to you is the day you stop using your son as leverage over my brother and the day that I never have the misfortune of clapping eyes on you ever again!"

"I don't want you anywhere near my son, is your mum there?"

"No. You left him with me remember, just me. The ruthless and heartless killer that had, just thirteen hours before, been in one of the most dangerous places on the Earth. My mum is on her way but she's only just got back to the UK. I can't say when she'll be here."

"Who's with you?"

"Well there's a medic, one of the ones that saved his life and then a soldier that served in his platoon so we're all army."

"Leave him with the medic and get away from him."

"Did I mention that one of the medics was fucking Charles in Afghan? Shit, that slipped my mind! Still want me to leave your son with a medic or has your prejudged image of medics been tainted now?"

"What?"

"Goodbye Rebecca." I laughed and put the phone down. Molly looked shocked.

"I wasn't fucking him in Afghan." She murmured and I nodded.

"I know and God did he complain about that but that wasn't the point. The point was that she would rather I handed over her son to a complete stranger than him spend any more time with me. I wanted to prove to her that she can't do that because they might be someone that she hates more than me!"

"Oh. Why are you so harsh to her?"

"One day, I'll tell you the whole story but I don't have time today. My mum will be here in half an hour but I need to try and patch up my marriage sooner rather than later. I'm going to apologise to Liam, I'm charging the both of you with his care and I swear to fucking God, if a single hair on his head is harmed, I will render you both speechless."

Smurf and Molly nodded and I wandered off to find Liam.

Molly's POV

As Pippa walked away I couldn't help but wonder what had happened to her. What had happened to make her so hostile towards Rebecca? What had happened to make her and Boss Man so close? What had happened to make her the way she was? She was so fragile and vulnerable but also so strong and seemingly bulletproof. I couldn't put my finger on it but there was something going on with her that made her the way she was. I admired her immensely, but I felt threatened by her. She was vicious and defensive and I couldn't get out of my nut what she'd said on the phone to Rebecca. "So you would have no difficulty in believing I would stoop that low." Her relationship with Kinders was obviously turbulent, they cared about each other a lot but they were so different! She was clearly one hell of a soldier, she had the passion of a million love songs but her biggest weakness – her brother – would ultimately be her end. He – on the other hand – was a decent soldier but not as good as her, he couldn't match her passion and he cared too much about how important the Boss was to her when he was obviously not a threat. Love would tear them apart, I thought.

I struggled with Sam, having him in my arms felt both right and wrong, I wanted to love him and treat him like my own child but I couldn't stop thinking that he was the result of Captain James' love for someone else. He was clearly troubled and there was obviously so much that had gone on around him in the past. He lay across my lap, with his head buried in my stomach. I wondered what it was like for a seven-year-old to be in this position. After about half an hour and couple in their late fifties appeared and I guess they were Mr and Mrs James. The woman was very smart, she wore a long skirt and a blouse with a broach on her jacket. The man was also very well presented. He had a suit and tie on. I could see the Boss and Pippa in him.

"Sam?" The woman called and he ran to her shouting 'Grandma'. "Where's Aunt Philippa?"

"Auntie Pippa had a fight with Uncle Liam. She said she had to apopalise." The seven year old boy explained to his grandmother. "I waited with Molly. She's nice."

"Molly?" The man asked and smiled. I wondered if he knew me. I turned to look at him. "Molly Dawes?"

"Yes. Molly Dawes." I replied and he grinned.

"How do you know her?" Mrs James asked and he shook his head.

"Charles must have mentioned her at some point." He shrugged before shooting me a wink as they turned to leave.

"We'll be back later but I think we will take Sam to the hotel to get changed if he's been here all night." The woman said and they left. I couldn't help but feel ecstatic. He had mentioned me to his dad, definitely. We sat for a few minutes then I notice movement from the Boss' room. I pressed my face against the window and he turned his head slowly before opening his eyes and smiling weakly. Smurf watched from my side. The nurse came out and beckoned us in.

"How did you know we were here?" I asked and he smiled.

"I'm not entirely sure you are…morphine." He joked.

"Well I am drug free and I can see you so I must be here." I grinned.

"Smurf?" The Boss croaked and Smurf nodded.

"I am drug free too, Boss…unless you mean hospital drugs! I'm full to bursting with those, they can't give me enough of those!" Smurf said. "I'm sorry, Boss. I lost control."

"We all did, Smurf." Captain James empathised.

"Taught me I am no soldier!"

"I am proud to have served alongside you Smurf." Boss Man sighed. Smurf looked at me as the Captain gazed upon me and realised that he was once again the third wheel. He made his excuses and left leaving us to be together.

"How're you feeling?" I asked gently as I stroked his forearm. He exhaled deeply. "You're gonna be alright!" I ran my fingers through his hair and he moved his hand weakly to brush my arm as it rested by his head. The door opened and I pulled my hand away, spinning round to see Sam running in.

"Mum! Mum! Look! They didn't rub it off! They didn't rub it off!" He shouted as a beautiful woman of about thirty walked into the room. She saw me and smirked before muttering something under her breath, all I could make out was "Philippa".

"Hello Scamp!" Captain James smiled at Sam resting his hand on his head as the little boy traced the words 'I LOVE DADDY' that he had written on his father's forearm – the one that was not millimetres away from me.

"What was that, darling?" Rebecca asked her son and he showed her his dad's arm.

"Auntie Pippa told me to write him a message so I wrote that and they didn't rub it off." Sam explained. She shook her head.

"We don't always do things that Aunt Philippa tells us to." She told him and the Boss Man bit his lip in anger.

"You couldn't give her a fucking break for one fucking day could you?" He tutted and Rebecca shook her head. "Where is she now? Not by her beloved brother's bedside is she?"

"She should be in Afghanistan!"

"Well she's not! She's here but not here she left your son with that wench while she went off gallivanting with that corporal she calls her husband. What's he done to make her so upset this time? Slept with another medic? She tried to use that on me but I suddenly realised."

"That 'wench' is the reason I'm here!"

"Yeah sorry about that…" I muttered.

"Molly's funny!" Sam laughed and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"What I mean is she saved my life. I would have bled out if it weren't for her prompt actions..." Captain James explained and I looked at the floor.

"I'd better go." I said and Sam ran around to the side of the bed where I was standing.

"Oh, don't go on my account." Rebecca said falsely as Sam put his arms out to me. I bent down and hugged him.

"It's good to see you, Dawes." Captain James smiled as I walked towards the door.

"Ditto." I grinned and pushed open the door catching a contemplative glance from Rebecca as I left. I stood outside the door listening to the conversation for a few minutes.

"Bit informal for someone ranked lower than you, Charles." Rebecca remarked.

"I'm friendly with everyone in my platoon, and she saved my life!" he replied.

"So Philippa was lying, you didn't sleep with a medic?"

"No! I did not sleep with a medic! Why did she say that?"

"She said when I asked her to leave Sam with the medic she said oh I forgot to say he was sleeping with a medic in Afghan."

"She was trying to prove to you that you can't leave your child with a stranger because you don't know what kind of background they have!"

"Well it was pointless."

"Why do you care if I was sleeping with a medic anyway? It's not like I'd have been sleeping with you! Haven't done that it god knows how many years!"

"Because you're my husband."

"No, I'm your ex-husband."

"It doesn't have to be like that. We could try again for Sam's sake. I think we were too rash in our decision making!" Rebecca pleaded. A huge lump grew in my throat so I tiptoed away from the ICU, I couldn't let her catch me. I went outside and slumped down on a bench. I could see Pippa and Kinders stood across the car park, they were clearly still arguing. As I sat there, tears rolling down my cheek Candy – Smurf's mum – came and sat next to me. She knew about me and the Boss Man and we just talked for a while. Pippa came storming past us, I doubt she could see anything for the tears. Candy watched her as she went into the hospital then looked back at Kinders who was just stood with his hands in the air.

"My Geraint would never have upset her the way he does. I've never seen her happy with him. Not even at their wedding." She sighed.

"You went to their wedding?" I gasped. Why would Kinders invite the mother of his dead love rival to his wedding?

"Yes. At Geraint's funeral, she mentioned that they were going to get married and I offered to make the cake because I enjoy that and Geraint would've killed me if I hadn't offered her. Anyway, she said yes, he was a bit annoyed I think but she said oh you know come along because there aren't many people coming we want it to be low key."

"What was it like?"

"Hard for me, to see her marry him but also lovely, her and Captain James were so lovely together, he never left her side and the best man speech was more of a warning to the Corporal that if he ever made her cry, James – as a trained and decorated killer – would basically stop him breathing. He just went on and on about all these beautiful memories they had had and how much he loved her – magical truly magical. That was the only time she smiled properly though."

"So you think she was unhappy?"

"She looked it. Everytime he kissed her she looked like she was about to cry and she had this false grin when people were saying what a lovely couple they were. She seemed almost ill. Then this one person asked when they would have children and he says "Soon" and she goes "Yeah, if soon means never." And everyone was just silent with their mouths open. The Captain saved them though because he just went "We've all said it, you're not going to die on your next tour!" but I knew she didn't mean that she wouldn't live to have kids, she had that look in her eye."

"Was the Boss Man's wife there?"

"Oh yes, their little boy was the page boy, how adorable he looked. She made a right scene though, she really doesn't like him, Corporal Kinders."

"I got that from the way she spoke about him before."

"None of them approve of him, not because they're middle class and the rest of us aren't but just because I think they know he doesn't make her happy." Candy looked sad. "But I don't know if my Geraint would have either, she's a special girl is Philippa but she wasn't made to be someone's wife!"


	4. Chapter 4

Pippa's POV

I wandered back into the ICU and the nurse nodded at Charles's door so I went in.

"Speak of the devil!" Rebecca sighed turning to face me. "Might have known you'd show your face at some point!"

"Rebecca." I acknowledged her politely before slowly walking over towards Charles.

"What've you been doing? I got Sam from your parents who got him from the medic – who I know you lied about. Were you off having some angry forgiveness sex because he slept with yet another medic?"

"Yet another? There was one. And no, actually, I was arguing with him about how the army should treat the medics that saved your son's father's life! I believe it's only you that shags people by way of an apology for shagging someone else."

"That was two and a half years ago!"

"He slept with the medic over three years ago but you can't let go of that!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Charles sighed and I realised how insensitive I had been. "Rebecca, could you give us a moment?"

"Shall I take Sam?" she huffed getting up out of her seat in a stroppy manner. Charles shook his head and she marched out of the room.

"You look like shit!" Charles laughed looking at me. "You've still got all the Afghan shit in your hair and you fucking stink, when did you last have a shower?"

"Says he that is lying in a hospital bed with sixty million tubes coming out of him and also, is still covered in Afghan shit?" I laughed. "I had a shower the day you were shot so that was about a week ago. Not that bad!"

"How are you even here? Your tour ended a few days after ours…"

"I jumped on the plane with you and skipped decompression. They were taking us to Cyprus with your lot so I didn't miss much."

"How were you allowed?"

"I didn't ask, I just did."

"Shit, Pip! What if they discipline you?"

"Then they discipline me! I'll get disciplined for what happened in the Emergency Area anyway, what's one more."

"Fuck! What did you do?"

"Loads of shit that I shouldn't have."

"Tell me!"

"Fine! I followed the stretcher in and was helping out until the major came in and told me to step away because you were my brother but I didn't because you crashed and they were all junior medics because the main ones were still being paged so they all just stood there. So I started doing compressions and they were shouting at me to step away but I didn't until the doctors came by which time your heart was going again. So I stepped away like I was told but when you crashed again I went a bit mental and Geraint's brother kept saying it was his fault so I sort of shouted at him. Then they took you to theatre and I got pulled away by the Major and told I was in deep shit for disobeying a direct order but that I might have gotten away with it because I saved your life if I hadn't lost control and been unprofessional."

"So you'll get unprofessionalism?"

"Or Disobeying a direct order, or both."

"You are so fucking stupid!"

"No, I'm not!"

"Yes you fucking are because now with skipping decompression and going AWOL, you could lose your position!"

"I don't give a shit! As long as you're ok! I wasn't gonna go off on a fucking holiday to fucking Cyprus while you were fighting for your life!"

"You better hope they have some compassion."

"Liam said that."

"Thank you though, for being above and beyond as a sister." He smiled and squeezed my hand.

"You'd have done the same." I grinned and he nodded.

"What were you arguing with Liam about?"

"He was saying that Molly could get disciplined."

"What the fuck for?"

"She left Brize without permission and came up here when she should have gone to Barracks with them although I think they are all here anyway."

"Why did she fucking do that?"

"Why do you think?"

"Why do you women feel the need to break the rules all the time!?"

"Because we care about you!" I sighed. "Anyway, I told him that if he takes it to disciplinary then I would tell them that I told her she could do it and she trusted my authority as a Lieutenant."

"Then you would definitely lose your job!"

"But she wouldn't lose hers and let's face it, mines down the shitter anyway!"

"I don't like that expression!" A familiar voice said from behind and I turned round to see my mum and dad at the door. My mother looked at me disapprovingly. "I don't like what the army's done to you two."

"Well, it's the only place that we feel like we belong, Mum." I told her and she shook her head.

"Except I'm never going to serve again and she's thrown her career away trying to clean up my mess." Charles pointed out and my mother seemed a little pleased.

"So you won't be deployed again?" She beamed.

"Let's just focus on what's happening now!" My dad said putting his arm round my shoulders. "Sam said you'd had an argument with Liam."

"Well, there's nothing new there." My mum remarked and I couldn't help but agree.

"It seems like all we ever do is fight." I sighed.

"You know, if you want to leave him, we are 100% behind you!"

"Mum! You have to let them try!" Charles protested.

"He makes her miserable!" My mum retorted and he shook his head.

"I've seen first-hand how much he loves her."

"Well I've yet to witness it." My mum commented and sank into a chair pulling Sam onto her knee. "Who is the Molly Dawes girl? Your dad thought you'd mentioned her before."

"Molly?" Charles asked looking at me for help. "Molly is…"

"Molly is one of my friends, from the army." I lied. "She's a medic and I helped her out when she first came to Bastion because this one was knocking her confidence a bit."

"Totally justified because she turned out to be an excellent medic. Worked wonders with my blisters!"

"And she saved your life!"

"There is that." Charles laughed and my mum smiled.

"It was good of her to come and see you."

"Yeah." My dad laughed and winked as I caught his eye. I looked from Charles to my dad and back again realising that my mum and Sam were the only ones in the dark about Molly's true role in our lives. I leant against my dad's chest and he pulled me close into a loving embrace. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Liam put his head round the door. My mum folded her arms across her chest and pursed her lips at him. My dad tapped my shoulder and I turned round to look at him.

"Hope you get on your feet again soon, Charles." Liam smiled, Charles nodded indifferently and my husband turned to me. "See you at Barracks, Philippa. I take it your mum and dad are taking you down."

"I already fucking told you I'm not going to fucking Barracks! I'll see you when I see you…hopefully never." I said trailing off at the end but he still heard. My mum looked at me and nodded and Liam scoffed angrily.

"Go fuck yourself." He mouthed and I laughed before giving him the middle finger as he stormed off.

"What was that?" My mum asked as I covered my face with my hands.

"He said 'Go fuck yourself'." Charles explained and she gasped. I undid the chain around my neck that had my rings on and tossed it in the bin.

"Not gonna need them anymore." I sighed and headed towards the door. "I'm getting some coffee, anyone want anything?"

"I'll come with you!" My dad said and I smiled gratefully. I had known deep down that my marriage would break down eventually because we couldn't agree on anything for love nor money but I did love him and I hadn't expected it to be so soon. My mum decided she would come too, I think she realised that I was upset. The three of us and Sam wandered to the café and sat down, I had a cappuccino in front of me that I barely touched, my mum went through three cups of tea, Sam had a fruit shoot but he didn't drink it – he was an observant child and seemed to know that I was upset so he sat with his arms around my waist and his head on my chest. My dad too didn't touch his drink he was trying to come up with something to say that would make it better but it didn't work. I was lost to the world.


	5. Chapter 5

Molly's POV

For some reason, Kinders was being a complete dick. I was sure it was to do with his argument with Pippa but I didn't like to say anything. I was sat in Smurf's room with all the guys when he came storming back in and threw himself down. It was the first time I had noticed his wedding ring and I felt a pang of guilt as he twisted it around his finger and took it off his finger and then put it back on again and then off and then on. It was as if he was trying to decide whether to abandon his marriage or stay with it. I caught his glance as he looked.

"Never get fucking married!" He muttered. "It always ends in tears."

"That bad?" I sighed.

"She's fucking insufferable."

"She's just concerned."

"No, she's obsessed. He's gonna be fine they say but she still won't leave his bedside!"

"I can't imagine what it would be like if my brother was in that situation, you have to be patient with her!"

"Who made you the fucking marriage police, Dawes? Have you ever been married?"

"No."

"No, Corporal!"

"No, Corporal."

"Then what gives you the right to lecture me on marriage?"

"Sorry…Corporal." I stuttered. The rest of two section were staring at us in disbelief.

"We leave for Barracks, now!" Kinders said standing up and I grabbed his arm. "What the fuck is it now, Dawes?"

"Can I join you in a moment?" I asked. "I have to freshen up, if you know what I mean?!"

"You better be fucking quick! And if you see Philippa, tell her to go fuck herself, again." He spat and the boys shook their heads. I felt bad for Pippa, God knows how she'd have reacted when he said that the first time. I ran as fast as I could to the ICU and I was relieved that there was no one in there.

"Has Rebecca gone?" I asked as I walked in.

"She went whilst I was on my second tour." He sighed and beckoned me over.

"You know what I mean."

"I wasn't very good at the life she wanted."

"What life was that?"

He shrugged. "Settled, I guess. Not so good at that. Always preferred being on tour, living out of a bergan. The army is all I've ever known, it's... all I've ever wanted..."

"I'm sorry."

"…Until I met you." His words choked me. I wanted him to love me so badly but when he hinted at the fact that he did I felt uneasy. I stared into his beautiful brown eyes and stroked his soft dark chestnut hair. "Pip says I still have Afghan grime in my hair."

"I don't think I could've actually lived with myself if I'd managed to get you killed."

"It wasn't your fault. I was the Officer. I failed you, and the rest of the platoon."

"You didn't fail anybody."

He shook his head. "I'm resigning my commission. It happened on my watch."

"What're you gonna do?"

"I'm not sure. What I do know is there's nothing in our way anymore…we don't have to wait out!"

I looked at him and he put his hand on my face. I realised the time and as much as it pained me, I drew myself away.

"Tell Pippa I'm so sorry about her and Liam." I said as I reached the door.

"What's he said?" He looked annoyed.

"Tell her to go fuck herself again." I told him and he shook his head.

"He doesn't deserve her. Tell him from me that if he wants his marriage to survive he'd better have a think about what I said in my best man's speech at his wedding. He'll understand what I mean!" He sighed and blew me a kiss as I walked past the window. I ran to the bus and passed on the message to Kinders who nodded and swallowed before slamming the door and getting in the front. I guessed he was being reminded that Captain James would go to any lengths to protect his sister and stop her heart being broken.

Pippa's POV

I took my coffee and walked back to Charles' room. My parents had started talking about lawyers and I couldn't deal with it. He'd been through a divorce emotionally, he was the only person who could understand my feelings. I walked in and he was staring at the window.

"You ok?" I murmured.

"Yeah, Molly was here…and now she's not. I don't know when I'll see her again." He whispered and looked at me. "It's tough…love's a bitch."

"Love is worse than a bitch, a bitch is Rebecca, and love is like a million Rebecca's!" I joked and he laughed.

"You cut up about Liam?"

"No one gets it."

"I get it. I don't love Rebecca anymore because I've moved on but when we first got divorced I really did miss her, I wanted to cancel it and forgive her but I couldn't. I don't regret it now though."

"I don't miss him. I fucking hate him…but…"

"But you love him?" He asked and I nodded before breaking down. He opened his arms and as I moved closer he wrapped them around me pulling me to his chest. "I get it."

"I don't know what to do." I sobbed.

"You can't give up just yet. You have to try. If he's not willing then you have to accept its over but I don't think he's ready to give up. He knows he's lucky to have you."

"Lucky?"

"He told all the guys on tour that his wife was ridiculously hot and should probably be a model."

"I know he didn't because Molly didn't even know I existed."

"Molly doesn't socialise with them."

"You didn't tell her about me either."

"No but I didn't tell her about Rebecca and Sam either, she found out by accident."

"And she forgave you?"

"Somehow, yeah!"

"If Liam revealed he had a kid or a wife, I'd have those divorce papers signed faster than he could say go fuck yourself which seems to be his favourite phrase at the moment! I'd never forgive him."

"You've known Liam for years and years and you're married to him, if he was keeping a secret like that it would understandably by unforgivable. Molly and I weren't, aren't, even together."

"So what do I do?"

"You go to Barracks, take Mum and Dad, I need a fucking break. You apologise for neglecting him and wait for him to apologise for being a dick, if he does then do whatever's necessary to square it off."

"Ok. I better go home and shower and shit first! If I'm not going for me, do I have to wear my uniform?"

"Not for his presentation, I don't think, you'll be with the family and friends so it won't make a difference but you obviously have to for your presentation."

"I meant his. I might not go to mine. We'll see." I said and he laughed and kissed my cheek before I walked to the door. "Oh shit, my rings!" I gasped and retrieved them from the otherwise empty bin. I slid them onto my finger, it felt so strange. I walked back to the café and told my parents the plan. They were pleased that I was happier but I could sense that they didn't want me to get back with him.

We drove to Bath and I got ready in my childhood room. I found a dress from my eighteen birthday, it was over seven years old but it was smart enough for Barracks and it would show him what he was missing – not that that was what the purpose of going was. I looked in the mirror after doing my hair and applying some make-up, it had been months since I had done any of this. I moved my hand and caught sight of the three short straight lines tattooed on the side of my wrist, I needed to get a fourth one done. As soon as Charles was better, we'd go like we had done after every other tour and get our 'battle stripes' as Charles called them. My parents hated them but we got them anyway, it was our silent reminder of everything we had been through. Liam had his own 'battle stripes' he had three stars under the tattoo of the army crest that he had tattooed on his left arm, it was less subtle that what Charles and I had done but it served the purpose. I had the same number of medals as Charles because I had Military Cross from saving Geraint on my third tour and then three tours worth of medals. It didn't feel like I deserved it but I got it all the same. Charles had three tours worth of medals and also a Military Cross for what he did for Geraint but he refused to wear it, it said it made him look like a hero and he wasn't one because Geraint didn't live. I empathised with that but I was proud to wear all my medals, not just the ones I wanted to have. I sighed and picked up my coat before heading out to the car where my parents who were dressed up and Sam – who wore a suit like he had at my wedding – waited for me. We drove to Barracks and I began to panic.

When we arrived we followed all the people into the stands and watched as the medals were presented. Charles had had a nurse text me to ask me to video Molly's face as she was told about her Military Cross, I tried but she looked miserable. I didn't blame her. At the end, everybody mingled. Liam hadn't noticed we were there and was off in a corner – probably sulking – so I let him be and went to speak to Molly.

"You came?" She gasped as I walked over to her.

"Captain's orders…and I'm trying to salvage my marriage." I admitted.

"He's over there if you want to speak to him." Molly said pointing at him and I shook my head.

"I'll speak to him in a minute. How do you feel about that Military Cross?"

"Shit. How was what I done even heroic?"

"That's what both me and Charles said when we got ours. You just have to say thank you very much and take it. It's all you can do."

"Well I ain't looking forward to it!"

"I'll bet." I smiled. I caught Liam's eye and his jaw dropped. Molly noticed and shoved me in his direction. I walked over slowly and he smiled.

"You came!"

"I did." I said quietly. "Look, I'm sorry. I was so overwhelmed by the whole situation that I freaked, I panicked and I neglected you. I'm sorry."

He shuffled and I moved some hair out of my face. "You're wearing your rings…on your finger?" He beamed and I nodded. "I'm sorry too, I was a total dick. I was so frustrated that we didn't get to spend time together and I had been waiting so long to see you and then I suddenly thought that I wasn't gonna get any time on my own with you because you would be with him. I'm the one that should be sorry." He touched my hand and I looked down and saw that he too was wearing his ring.

"God, you're wearing your ring too. We're almost a normal married couple!" I joked and he shook his head playfully.

"Never!" He laughed and took me in his arms. Before I knew what was happening his lips crashed against mine and I found myself crushing his in return. Butterflies danced in my stomach and my heart sang with delight. I just felt right, natural even. We were disturbed by some loud cheers.

"The Corporal and his missus back on good terms, I see!" One of them with a Manchester accent laughed as he strolled towards us. I spun round and Liam put his arms around my waist.

"Jesus, Corp. You said she were hot but not like fucking on fire!" A young lad with ginger hair and a Derbyshire accent focussed his eyes on me – but not my head.

"You, Mrs Kinders, are the prettiest girl I've ever seen and I come from Liverpool, we have fucking Abbey Clancy!" A scouse guy said to me and I rolled my eyes.

"Boys, this is my wife, Pippa. She's also the Boss Man's sister if you were interested." Liam said proudly as I rested my hand on his. The guys looked among each other and muttered things in surprise about my relationship to Charles.

"I'm also a trained killer so keep staring at my tits and I'll render you speechless!" I warned one of them teasingly.

"You're army?" The man from Manchester asked and I nodded.

"Lieutenant. Just back off my fourth tour – six months in Kandahar." I explained.

"Nice!" The scouse guy smiled and then mouthed "You're actually married to her?" to Liam who nodded in reply. The boys found out as much as they could about me and then went away much to my delight.

"They seemed nice." I laughed and he shook his head and smiled.

"They're typical teenage lads." He told me and I nodded knowingly. "Do I get to take you home tonight?"

I drew out my thinking process with umm noises and he pouted impatiently. "I think for one night it would be allowable."

"Really?" he beamed and I grinned.

"If you bring me back here for my thing tomorrow and then we can go up to Birmingham to see Charles."

"If that's what you want to do." He said.

"More than anything."


	6. Chapter 6

We walked through the door of our home and I was a bit overcome. It had been six long months since I had been here and nothing had changed – why would it have? I had told my parents to meet me back at Barracks the next morning and they had just agreed so I had slipped away with Liam at the earliest possible opportunity to make time to be together after that was what had nearly driven us apart. It was hard to think that earlier that day I was completely set on divorcing him and not twelve hours later I was back home with him. We'd picked up food on the way home and we sat in the living room on the floor eating it. After we'd finished I gathered up all of the paper and packaging and put it in the bin and washed the plates and wine glasses while Liam sifted through the mountain of mail that had greeted us when we arrived home. He hadn't been back either. After we had both finished we opened mail that looked interesting, there were a few birthday cards for both of us from people that had clearly forgotten that we were in Afghanistan but nothing too exciting. After a while I became agitated by the blisters that had formed on my heels due to the stilettoes I had been wearing – six months of regulation boots had done my high heel feet no favours. I wandered upstairs to find some slippers to put on in place of my heels and turned around to find Liam stood in the doorway.

"I'm tired." He grinned and took off his shirt. "I think we should go to bed."

"You do?" I laughed and watched as he removed all of his clothing and flopped onto the bed. I turned out the main light and turned on the bedside lamp before lying down next to him. "You know, if you're tired you should go to sleep."

"I should. But you're wearing that dress and I really can't contain myself."

"Oh, I am perfectly capable of removing my dress." I teased and reached for the zip.

"I think I should help you!" He insisted and unzipped the dress. I stood up and it fell to the floor leaving me in just my underwear. He pulled me back onto the bed and unhooked my bra. "This really has to go." He slid it off and threw it goodness knows where. He then sat straddled across me, his hands moving over my hips and grasping the top of my knickers. He slid them right off and dropped them onto the floor next to him. "Now I can go to sleep." He whispered and bent down to kiss my cheek.

I stirred from my sleep and looked at the clock, seven thirty seven. I knew by the fact that I was wrapped in Liam's arms, completely naked, that the night before had not just been a wonderful dream. I didn't want to move but I had Barracks in just over four hours and it would take one and a half to get there. I slipped out from under Liam's arm and he turned over onto the other side as I tiptoed into the bathroom. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stood in front of it staring at myself. A deep pinky-purple love bite on my neck screamed for attention and I shook my head wondering how I could hide it before Barracks. I turned on the shower and stood under the cascading water as it smattered down onto my face. I washed all of the Afghan shit out of my hair and chuckled to myself as I watched the yellow/brown water trickle into the plug hole. Suddenly I was grabbed from behind and I clawed playfully at the strong hands that were tight around my waist. Liam held me in his arms for a few seconds as I wriggled, protesting about having to get clean. He let me go and began rubbing shower gel into my back and arms.

"You know yesterday?" He asked massaging the slippery liquid into my hips. I, now facing him, nodded as I stared into his eyes coyly. "Brains called you Mrs Kinders and you didn't correct him."

"Did I not?" I dismissed it knowing full well that I hadn't.

"It was hot." He whispered with his lips almost touching my ear. I felt a pang of desire course through my veins but I just smiled and stepped out of the shower. I dried myself off as he showered and then, I examined the love bite on my neck. Shit, I would never live that down! I rummaged through a drawer of make-up until I found a stick of concealer. I smoothed the paste over the mark and rubbed it in until you could barely see anything. The hours flew by and before I knew it I was waiting with the boys from my section to present the medals. My section kept asking me how my brother was and I shrugged telling them it was hard to tell. They were all as funny and friendly as ever but I could tell that they all knew I was in trouble. As the medals were handed out, I saw my parents trying to be nice to Liam but obviously failing dramatically. At the end we stood together and I attempted to ease over the awkwardness between my husband and my mother, failing miserably. The major took me to one side and explained that he had spoken with people higher up that were asking questions about my behaviour and they were willing to take into account the fact that he was my brother and that technically my tour of duty had been over when I went AWOL. I did, however, have to expect to be severely disciplined. I lied to my family and told them I was being let off for compassionate reasons, much to their delight. On the way up to Birmingham, Liam and Sam fell asleep and my mum looked as if she were asleep too. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't help but let the tears stream down my face as I contemplated losing my position. My life was the army, it was all I had ever wanted or needed. Liam, my friends…they were just extras. My first three tours when it was me and Charles against the Taliban had been the best months of my life! What would I do if it was taken away from me? I turned round to see my mum looking at me sympathetically.

We pulled into a service station and my dad took Sam to the toilet. My mum signalled to me to get out of the car and we sat down on a bench.

"What's the matter?" She asked rubbing her hands over mine.

"Nothing." I lied and she rolled her eyes. Adopting a different tactic, she pointed to Liam – who was still asleep in the car.

"He's tired. Did you argue all night?"

"No. We're all tired when we get back from Afghan."

"Right." She didn't believe me. "You look a mess. Here, let me clean you up." She got some make-up wipes out of her bag and wiped all of my make-up off. Her face fell in horror as she wiped the foundation and concealer off the top of my neck. She stared at the purple mark, tears welling in her eyes. "Oh Pippa." She sighed and I suddenly realised what she's seen. "I had no idea he was like that! Not that it's a surprise." I bit my lips and covered it with my hand as my cheeks flushed scarlet. "Wait, it's not…he didn't did he…oh my god! It's a…oh my god!" she looked like she was about to throw up. I watched Liam get out of the car, having woken up and he made gestures to try and get me to tell him what was going on. I smirked as my mum scowled at him and stood up as he reached us.

"What the fuck was that about?" He grinned and I moved my hand.

"She was admiring your handiwork." I explained and he gasped. "She wasn't impressed."

"I'm impressed!" He joked and I hit him playfully.

"You better hope she doesn't tell my dad or he doesn't fucking see it!"

"Oh shit!" he laughed. "Put your hair down, it'll cover it."

"I never wear my hair down." I realised as I undid the tight bun. I shook my wavy hair out and pulled it over my shoulder to hide the mark on my neck.

"You should do it more, it's beautiful." He smiled and placed his hand on my knee. I gazed lovingly into his deep brown eyes and he stared back.

When we arrived at the hospital, I ran ahead with Sam and we burst into Charles' room. He smiled as he saw us and stretched his hand out to Sam who grabbed it eagerly. Using his other hand, he tapped his cheek and I grinned before planting a quick kiss on his cheek. As I moved away he grabbed my face and turned it to get a better look at my neck. He shook his head and laughed.

"Do I not deserve a thank you? After all, I did craft that plan!" He joked.

"Thank you, brother dearest." I said trying to be sincere and we fell about laughing.


	7. Chapter 7

2 Months Later

Molly's POV

There was a loud knock at the door and I started down the stairs but I saw my dad open it. He was just in his underpants so I prayed that it was just Nan.

"Well, I guess I should be grateful you're not completely naked." A familiar voice said almost laughing. All I could think of was when I came out of the tent at Bastion ahead of my first Captain James PT session and he had made a rude remark about being grateful I wasn't in stilettoes. I couldn't help but giggle all the same. I ran down the stairs and pushed past my dad. Pippa stood on the balcony, her long dark brown hair blowing in the wind. She looked a million times better than the last time I saw her because even though she'd tried at Barracks, she had been completely drained and I don't think she had properly showered since getting back from Afghan! She stood there now in skinny jeans and a grey military coat that came to just above her knee and was tied tightly around her slim waist. She wore black ankle boots and I noticed that she had a full face of make-up on for the first time ever. A large black bag hung on her shoulder. I guess I was surprised at how glamourous she was, the Pippa I remembered was tired and slumped in a hoody and jogging bottoms, I had caught a glimpse of her chicness at Barracks but now she really was something else. "Do you want to go shopping, Molly?"

"Sure!" I smiled. "Let me get my coat." I grabbed my purple duffle coat and slid my feet into some ballerina flats, hooking my bag over my shoulder as I ran out of the house. I followed her down and we walked to the tube station.

"I was so worried I'd get the wrong house! Smurf told me which one it was but I don't trust that cockmuppet as far as I can throw him!" She admitted and I laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Cockmuppet! The Boss says that!" I grinned and she smirked. "How is he? I don't have his number so I couldn't ask."

"He's getting better. He's just about walking."

"That's fantastic!"

"He has this stupid boot thing, I take the piss out of him all the time. Well, I say all the time, I've only seen him about five times since I saw you last."

"Really?"

"Well, he's over at my parents' in Bath and Liam and I are in Aldershot so it's a two hour drive which Liam doesn't want me to do too much."

"Why?"

"It's tiring and I need to try and keep at my peak…or something." She seemed annoyed by the whole thing, as if he was controlling her and she didn't want to be controlled. "He wants me to keep away from him because he's trying to persuade me take another tour."

"What? Did they didn't kick you out?" I gasped and she waved her hands.

"My behaviour was unprofessional but they did take into account the fact that it was for compassionate reasons. I was so lucky but one of the people at the court-martial had been in a similar situation with their brother and he said that although he had left his brother in the hands of the medics, he could see why I would have done what I did. I haven't been given the final decision but if they don't dismiss me then I'll take another tour."

"I didn't even get told off for what I did, I guess Lady Luck was smiling on me." I said and she smiled smugly. "You had something to do with it didn't you?"

"I might have done." She grinned. "Anyway, it's my mum's birthday tomorrow and we're having this meal at this ultra-posh place in Bath, then my dad is taking her to Lake Garda. Charles is a bit down and I squared it with my dad, you can come, as a surprise, as Charles' plus one because he will look so stupid on his own."

"Are you kidding?"

"Nope! Liam and I are staying at my mum and dad's so you can too, Charles is at his at the moment because Rebecca is in Vegas for her best friend's hen party and she said it would be too unsettling for Sam to live at my parents for like two weeks so that's that."

"I can't believe it! That's so kind of you. Thank your dad so much! I don't have anything to wear though!"

"Why do you think we're going shopping? I don't have anything either!"

We got off at Bond Street Underground Station and I was curious as to where we were going. She led me down the street to Alexander McQueen.

"Shittin' hell. I thought we was going Topshop!" I joked and she smiled.

"My mum's sister is quite high up so all I have to do is say the name and we get a 50% discount. I don't come much but I thought I'd treat you." She explained.

"Wait. No! You are not buying me like hundred pound clothes."

"Seriously, Molly! I get paid way too much and besides, it's not all my money, my dad gave me a few thousand and said to get some nice clothes for us. He wants my mum to like you."

"Wow!" I cried almost crying with excitement.

"I might even take you into Jimmy Choo for some shoes, I have one pair already and I adore them!"

"No fucking way!"

"It's so exciting! We could run riot and buy up half of London!"

"Me and you are gonna be proper mates!"

"I hope so. I thought when Charles married Rebecca it would be like getting a sister…it wasn't but I think it will be different with you." As the words left her lips, I was filled with happiness, she was speaking as if it was certain that I would be marrying Captain James. We went inside Alexander McQueen and sure enough, when she said that she was Philippa James, niece of Charlotte Chapman-Nichols, they ushered us into a room at the back where a woman that looked very like Pippa's mum came rushing out. "Aunt Charlotte! I didn't know you would be here!"

"Philippa, darling, I'm always here, if I'm not in New York, or Milan, or Paris." The woman laughed. "Who is this beautiful girl you've brought with you? Is she in the army too?"

"Yes this is Molly. She's Charles's new…well you know."

"Really? Well, she's better looking than Rebecca but that's not hard."

"Don't be harsh, Becky's pretty."

"In her own way, darling. In her own way."

"So I guess you're here for your Mother's birthday. Are you having a party?"

"Yes but nothing big, just Mum, Dad, Charles, me and then Liam and Molly, obviously."

"No Sam?"

"Oh, actually, I have no idea because Charles is looking after him while bitch face is off in Vegas with her girlfriends."

"Oh how tacky, how tacky. How come your Liam's going? Last I heard you two were getting a divorce!"

"We were but then I decided to try a bit harder and it seems to be working."

"So now you're home from the war for good can I expect another great niece or nephew sometime in the future?"

"You'd have to ask Liam." All of a sudden Pippa was very different, more like when she'd gone for Rebecca on the phone.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it doesn't seem to be my decision so I'd talk to him about it."

"Right, well we'll find some nice dresses for you two to wear tomorrow." Charlotte changed the subject realising she'd struck a nerve. She disappeared into a little room and came back with a rack of about fifteen dresses.

"Molly needs two, I need one." Pippa said and I was shocked. Why did I need two? Charlotte made us take off our coats and stand by the window while she held up dress after dress. Eventually she handed Pippa a black and purple pencil dress and sent her behind a curtain to try it on. She came out and Charlotte nodded.

"You want some black Lottie Jimmy Choos and that outfit is killer, darling. That Pandora you were wearing at your wedding and the silver locket you have on now, simple but beautiful. Now, Miss Molly." She handed me a white dress with gold detailing and a black and white dress with some pale shade of green. "White and gold first." I took the dresses behind the curtain and put on the white and gold dress. It had long sleeves but it was above my knee and very low cut. Nevertheless, it was beautiful. I walked out and Pippa leaned over and kissed her aunt's cheek.

"I am so glad you were in town!" She beamed. Charlotte nodded.

"Right, Philippa, listen and remember. Anouk gold and white crystal Jimmy Choo pumps. I'm going to get some jewellery." When she came back, she put a long gold chain with a jewel encrusted sphere charm around my neck, she slid a matching ring onto my finger and a matching bangle onto my wrist. She stepped back. "Now, Philippa, tell me your mother got the brains."

"She definitely did not!" Pippa laughed and gave me a thumbs up. Charlotte took the jewellery and put it in a box. I went to swap the dresses. The next dress was slightly longer but had no sleeves. It had a high neck but looked really good. I walked out and Charlotte smiled.

"Definitely Tallows also Jimmy Choo." She dictated to Pippa who had been scribbling down the names of the recommended shoes. "I'd say keep it minimal on jewellery with this one. Do you have like a gold locket or just a gold necklace?"

"I've got like a gold 'M' but that's about it." I said and she wrinkled up her nose.

"Philippa, do you have time to go to Tiffany's? I have a great idea."

"We can make time to go to Tiffany's." Pippa sighed and laughed shaking her head.

"Great. Get a gold olive leaf necklace, it's beautiful, honestly you'll love it. Then the olive leaf bracelet and ring. Do you have your ears pierced, darling?"

"Yeah." I replied.

"Right Philippa, get the earrings as well. With the first dress she should wear some gold twist knot studs, you can get them at Tiffany's I think and you, Philippa, should have those silver Chanel earrings that Charles got you for your twenty first. They go so well with the Pandora." Pippa nodded mockingly trying to take in all of the instructions and then followed me back behind the curtain to get back into our casual attire.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, pulling on her jeans. "She's so bossy and she has such expensive taste. But she is a genius, I've never let her dress me and regretted it." I laughed.

"What was that?" Charlotte called.

"I was telling Molly that you dressed me for my wedding." Pippa lied.

"That I did. You looked so fabulous that day! You had that gorgeous dress I asked them to design for you and then we did it all traditional. Something old, that was your locket that my mum left for your wedding day. Something new, that was the white Jimmy Choos. Something borrowed…what was that?" She trailed off as we came out from behind the curtain.

"It was that hair thing." Pippa reminded her.

"Ah yes! I lent you that hair pin!"

"What about something blue?" I asked and Pippa shook her head.

"One word, darling. Lingerie." Charlotte smiled. "It was beautiful lingerie though! Do you still have it?"

"Yes." Pippa sighed. "Liam won't let me get rid of it."

"Why do you want to get rid of it?" Charlotte demanded.

"Well it's no use to me in Afghan!"

"You and your brother are so similar! Living out of those backpack things, that's all you want. Your poor mother must despair with her two only children as war hungry maniacs."

"We're not war hungry maniacs! We feel that we can do good over there but we can't as much over here."

"Well look where it got your brother, he's nearly dead!"

"He's fine!"

"Well, I don't think you should go over again. Try something new." Charlotte lectured her niece and put all of the items that she had picked out into boxes and large Alexander McQueen bags. She handed them to Pippa who went into her bag to get her purse. "Don't be stupid! These are on the house!"

"Thank you Aunt Charlotte!" Pippa beamed and hugged her Aunt before picking up the bags and we left the store. "Stroke of luck that she was there."

"Completely! If we'd paid, how much would that have cost?"

"I don't know, four maybe five thousand."

"Bloody hell!"

"I know! Right first to Jimmy Choo to give them her ladyship's recommendations, then we'll go to Tiffany."

We walked across town to Jimmy Choo and when we arrived Pippa said something to one of the people about her aunt from Alexander McQueen sending them. She handed over the bit of paper that she'd scribbled everything down on and the man asked our sizes before going off and coming back with three shoe boxes. I opened the first box and was completely flabbergasted at the sight of the beautiful 'Anouk' shoes. I had never seen anything so sparkly! I tried them on and they were a perfect fit. I put them back in the box and opened the next one – the 'Tallow' style, they were also beautiful. They fit so well and I felt like Cinderella. Pippa seemed to like hers as well and we put them back into the boxes and handed them to the man. We put our own shoes back on and walked over to the desk.

"We'll call it £1,500." The man said.

"What? That's easily £3000!" Pippa protested.

"Charlotte Chapman-Nichols directs so many people over here, McQueen even do shoes but she sends them here! If you're her niece then I will gladly give you her discount!"

"Well, thank you, sir. I appreciate it!" She smiled and paid. We left the shop and she hailed a taxi. "We can't walk to Tiffany's with all this."

We drove to Tiffany's and she bought all the jewellery that her aunt had told her too before we got a taxi to a large car park. She got some keys out of her bag and walked up to a sleek black BMW. She signalled me to get into it and I did while she put the bags into the boot. She got into the driver's seat and pulled out onto the road. She told me about how she had planned to get the tube back to mine but she'd forgotten about how many bags we'd have. We drove to my house and she told me to pack for a few nights as we climbed the stairs. When we arrived I went upstairs and I could hear my mum chatting her ear off. I grabbed all my stuff and ran downstairs.

"So you two are off to Bath then!" My mum smiled. "What are you going to do there?"

"Everything, absolutely everything!" Pippa laughed and my mum brought her a coffee. She sipped it looking guilty for some reason. My mum looked at the two gold rings on her finger.

"Are you married?"

"Yes, I am." Pippa sighed and flexed her fingers. "Speaking of my husband, do not tell him I was drinking this, Molly!"

"Why? Does he not let you drink coffee?" My mum inquired and I nudged her. "Sorry."

"No it's absolutely fine. He says there's too much caffeine and that will…well, he doesn't want me to have too much caffeine." She said suddenly looking uncomfortable. I drank some tea and she finished her tea before we were waved off by my mum and set off for Aldershot.


	8. Chapter 8

She pulled up outside a nice house and we got out. Kinders opened the door and stood on the doorstep as we walked up. He kissed Pippa's cheek and she faked a smile, maybe things weren't as sorted as she was claiming. He greeted me warmly and showed me into the house. It was very nice, very modern. He poured me a glass of white wine and I sat on the sofa and sipped it. I noticed that Pippa was drinking water but he was drinking wine. After a few minutes of awkward silence, she got up and went upstairs.

"She hasn't finished packing." Kinders laughed. "Although, I don't think she'd ever be done."

"Is she alright, she seems a bit down?" I asked and he looked at me, confused.

"She's probably just nervous, her parents aren't the easiest people to get along with."

"Right!" I said and dropped the subject but I was convinced it was more than that. Kinders and I made small talk until Pippa came down with a suitcase. She carried it out to the car and then came back and sat down.

"I take it I'm driving." She sighed running her hands through her hair.

"No way." Kinders shook his head.

"Well I'm the only sober one. You're usually the safety nut, you should have thought about that."

"It was one glass!"

"Could easily put you over the limit, Liam. I'm not getting in a car where the driver's drunk. What happened to protecting my body and keeping in tiptop health, I can't do that if I'm in a coma in hospital!"

"Don't be stupid!"

"I'm not the on trying to drink drive."

"Fine! You can drive but I'm driving back, it's too much for you to do both."

"Whatever." She sighed and grabbed the keys. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded and followed her to the car. I opened my mouth to ask what that was all about but she shook her head to stop me. We sat in the car for about ten minutes before she got out and shouted at him to hurry up. He eventually came out and locked the door before getting into the car. She made him sit in the back which he hated and I could sense she was trying to punish him for something. It was a long two hours because she said nothing to him and he said nothing to her. When we arrived in Bath I could hear Kinders sighing in the back – he clearly hated Bath. She pulled up outside a huge house that went in a curve with the rest of the houses on the street. She got out and knocked on the door. I got out behind her and Kinders did too. He got the suitcases and shopping bags from the car and carried them inside while she properly introduced me to her mother.

"This is Molly. She's a Private and she was in Charles's platoon. She's a good friend of mine and also, Charles. I thought she could come tomorrow in place of Rebecca." Pippa said and her mum smiled.

"That sounds lovely. Charles is still at his old house with Sam but we should see him tomorrow." Her mum said to her then turned to me. "I'm Victoria, Charles and Philippa's mother. You can call me Vicky if you would prefer."

"Hi Vicky." I smiled and she looked taken aback.

"My my Pippa. You seem to attract cockneys." She remarked and Pippa shot her an angry glare.

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with cockneys." Pippa's dad said coming out of the sitting room and waving to me. "This is the lovely young girl that looked after Sam at the hospital." He said and shook my hand. Vicky nodded as she remembered and apologised but I told her not to worry. "I'm David, by the way."

Kinders came back down after putting the bags upstairs and after a frosty welcome from Vicky and David, we all went into the sitting room. It had a massive window and a vast open fire – a bit grander than I was used to. David brought through some coffee and seemed confused when Pippa turned it down. I took a cup and so did Liam. Vicky and David also drank it and Pippa sat there looking very bitter as Liam drank. She avoided eye contact with her parents and husband so there was an awkward tension between the five of us. It was about six o'clock so before too long we were sat round a magnificent dining table eating a roast beef dinner. David brought in a bottle of red wine and offered it round. He got to Pippa.

"No, thanks." She said covering the top of her glass.

"It's the good one that you like." David told her and she shook her head.

"I'll have some, David." Liam said and Pippa's dad looked concernedly at his daughter before pouring Liam's glass. We went through the meal and Pippa barely said a word to anyone. I noticed David and Vicky exchanging concerned looks as she just sat there. Liam kept muttering things to her and she nodded. Eventually he said something to her and she snapped at him catching everyone's attention. Liam put his arm around her shoulders and she shrugged it off before finishing her glass of water. After the meal she turned down a glass of Bailey's after exchanging glances with Liam.

"You love this one, Pip?" Vicky said and Pippa shook her head.

"I'm really tired, I'm just gonna go to bed, Mum." She said and stood up.

"Should I come with you?" Liam asked grabbing her hands and she shook it off.

"No, Liam. I am actually capable of going to bed, on my fucking own." She spat and turned her back.

"What about…?" He raised his eyebrows and she shook her head.

"Not fucking now!" She raged and marched up the stairs. He sat for a few minutes before going up after her. We heard a door slam and some muffled shouting. David and Vicky shook their heads.

"Do you know what's going on, Molly?" Vicky asked and I shook my head.

"She seemed really happy earlier when we were in London. But when we got to Aldershot she seemed really different." I explained.

"It's him!" Vicky said and David nodded.

"I have a pretty good idea of what's going on." He revealed and Vicky's eyes widened.

"Go on…"

"Well, what is he always going on at her about?"

"Surely, not! She'd hate that!"

"Exactly, that's why she's being like this."

"We should do something."

"We can't, love. She wouldn't thank us."

"I know someone who could do something though."

"Who?"

"Think about it David! Who is the first person she tells about everything? Her best friend?"

"What are you on about?"

"Charles, your son! Her brother."

"Yes I know that but what do you think Charlie can do?"

"I don't know but I bet he can put a smile on her face!"

I sat there as they plotted, totally confused. What the hell did they think was going on? What were they gonna get Charles to do? I made my excuses and went to bed, as I walked past Pippa's room I could hear them arguing but I didn't wait long enough to establish what it was they were discussing.

The next morning, I went downstairs to find Pippa sat in her pyjamas in the sitting room with a cup of coffee, watching the news. David was sat in the armchair reading his paper, a cup of coffee also in his hand. I walked in and she threw the coffee mug onto the table and spun round.

"It's decaff I swear!" She cried and then realised it was me. "Sorry, Molls, I thought you were Liam." She picked the coffee up again and David flashed me a knowing look. I made a cup of tea and she came in a few minutes later and put the mug in the dishwasher, I was about to ask her about what was going on but then I thought I'd better not.

The day went by very slowly, I kept hoping that the Boss Man would turn up and lighten the mood but he didn't. I think Pippa hoped he'd show too. Pippa and Liam kept out of each-other's way as much as possible. At four o'clock, Pippa took me upstairs and told me to get ready for the meal with her. We'd had a nice lunch and David and Vicky had gone out for a few hours but we hadn't done a lot all day so I was glad to be getting out – since Afghan, sitting idle was something I found very tedious. She showed me into her bedroom and explained that it was her room from when she was a teenager. I looked at the photos that covered one of the walls, almost every single one was of her and Captain James ranging from being toddlers to teenagers. There were some with various other people but the recurring theme was her and her brother. I saw a lovely one of the two of them, she must have been about twelve and him fourteen. They were sat on a wall with fish and chips, the sea in the background. He had his arm round her and they looked so happy.

"Devon, 2001." She said and I spun round. "I have that picture in my locket, look." She opened the locket and I saw the picture. Next to it, on the opposite side, was her wedding photo, she looked gorgeous. "Ignore that one, it's horrible."

"I think it's lovely." I told her and she shook her head.

"I don't like it but I have to have it, you know what I mean?" She closed the locket and passed me the Alexander McQueen bags with my dresses in. "Wear the white and gold one. Keep the other one for tomorrow."

"What's tomorrow?" I inquired.

"Wait and see!" She smiled. We put our dresses on and we were reminded of how fantastic her aunt was when we saw the dresses with the shoes. She got out the jewellery and we admired our outfits. We did each other's make-up and hair and by six o'clock we looked like princesses. We went downstairs and David made a comment about how wonderful we looked. Liam and David wore tuxedos and Vicky had a beautiful emerald green dress on.

"Did you go and see Aunt Charlotte?" Vicky asked as she looked at our outfits.

"Yeah, I didn't know she'd be there but we went to McQueen and she sorted us out." Pippa smiled.

"She really is good at dressing you, Pippa. And you, Molly, you look stunning!"

We drove to the restaurant in Pippa's car but Liam was driving. He was being a lot more caring towards her and she appeared to have forgiven him a little. When we got there I was blown away by the magnificence of the place. The five of us walked in and I saw Captain James sat at a table with Sam. My heart skipped a beat and I had to grab Pippa's arm to steady myself.

"I can't wait for him to see you!" She whispered and we crept up behind him. She put her arms around his neck and I heard him laugh. She kissed his cheek and he stood up and hugged her. Sam spotted me and ran over.

"Molly, Molly!" He shouted and I bent down to hug him. As I stood up I saw Captain James staring at me.

"Molly?" He whispered and turned to Pippa. "Did you do this?" She nodded and he kissed her cheek. "You're the best sister ever!" She grinned as he shuffled towards me. He limped a little. He put his hands on my cheeks and rested his chin on my forehead. "It's good to see you, Dawes. I've missed you."

"Ditto." I whispered and he laughed. Vicky, David and Liam caught us up and he reluctantly shook Liam's hand before hugging his dad and kissing his mum.

"Happy Birthday Mum!" He grinned and she kissed his forehead. He sat back down and signalled to me to sit down next to him. Pippa sat next to me with Liam next to her. David was next to him with Vicky between Sam and her husband. Sam was very excited to wish his grandmother a happy birthday and give her gifts but she made him wait until we had all ordered. Liam ordered for him and Pippa and when Charles tried to question her she dismissed him. He nudged me when she refused wine and asked me what was going on. I told him I didn't know. While we waited for the food, it was time for presents. Sam went first and gave Vicky a beautifully wrapped box. She opened it and gasped as she saw the heart shaped silver locket. She opened it and there was a picture of Sam eating an ice cream and the picture of Charles and Pippa at the beach. She nearly cried and Charles winked at Pippa. They went next and gave her their shared gift of a huge bouquet of flowers and another beautifully wrapped box. She opened it and I saw the Swarovski logo. She opened the box and took out a beautiful charm bracelet. There was a 'V' charm and a 'D', along with and diamond encrusted angel wing and a diamond encrusted four leaf clover. There was also a little teddy bear charm. She wiped a tear from her eye as she looked in awe at the beautiful bracelet.

"I don't get it." Liam muttered and Charles rolled his eyes.

"The 'V' is for Victoria, the 'D' is for David. The angel wing represents Pippa because when she was little we used to call her our 'little angel' and the clover represents Charles because we call him Mr Nine Lives because he's so lucky. The teddy bear is obviously Sam."

"Aw that's adorable!" I gasped and she nodded.

"Well you'll have to get another one when our baby is born." Liam said and Charles sat up straight, his face falling. All eyes were on Pippa who looked utterly terrified and confused.

"Well, in the future if we have a baby I'm sure Mum will get one." Pippa fumbled over her words. Liam narrowed his eyes. She swallowed and Charles frowned.

"What the fuck do you mean, if?" Liam muttered. She looked at the floor and then at Charles who was mouthing 'Are you pregnant?' at her, she looked away and he took a massive gulp of wine. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes before she got up and walked to the toilet. Charles nudged me and I followed her. I walked in and saw her leaning against the wall.

"I'm gonna fucking kill him! I swear!" She mumbled and I took her hand in mine.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"He is absolutely fucking desperate for me to get pregnant. He won't let me drink, he won't let me eat certain foods, he won't let me have coffee, I'm not supposed to drive for more than about half an hour because he thinks it's too tiring and stressful and all of those things have a negative effect on fertility or some shit like that! I don't even want a kid! Why can't he just accept that?"

"Does he know you don't want kids?"

"Yes. I've told him time and time again but he just said well now they've kicked you out of the army you might as well have kids and all this biological clock shit! I'm twenty five not forty five!"

"But they haven't kicked you out of the army?!"

"I know but he is so certain that they will. And he doesn't want me to do another tour."

"Why?"

"Because every time I go on tour I love it that little bit more and he's worried that'll keep going and going and going until they get me."

"And will you?"

"I don't know. I really don't know! But I do know that I don't want a fucking kid but before too long I'm gonna have one!" Tear welled in the corners of her eyes.

"Shit. I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything."

I gave her a hug and she dabbed her eyes before we went back and sat down. Charles was very uneasy but I couldn't think of anything to say that would make it any better. I took Pippa's hand under the table as she tried to avoid everyone's questioning looks.

"I think Dad should give Mum her present." She forced and smile and everyone tried to relax. David took out an envelope and handed it to Victoria who opened it.

"Plane tickets to Verona? Are we going to Lake Garda?" Vicky cried and David nodded. "Tonight!"

"We leave after the meal." David said and Vicky turned to Charles and Pippa.

"Did you two know about this?" She asked and they nodded. "You're so good at keeping secrets."


	9. Chapter 9

The food arrived and David, Vicky and I kept the conversation flowing as we eat. Charles was sat either watching Pippa as she tried to avoid eye contact with everyone or glaring at Liam. Sam was tucking into his meal and I couldn't help but smile at how cute he was. We finished eating and went outside. A taxi pulled up and David transferred the cases from the boot of Pippa's car into the taxi and we waved him and Vicky off as they left for the airport. Both Liam and I had been drinking and Charles couldn't drive because of his foot so Pippa had to drive, much to Liam's annoyance. She stopped at Charles' old house and ran in to pick up some things for them and then we went back to her parents'. We walked through the door and Charles turned on Liam.

"What the fuck was that?" He asked.

"What the fuck was what?" Liam retorted.

"In the restaurant. The whole performance. Did you make her uncomfortable on purpose or are you just so stupid you didn't even realise?"

"She needs to learn not to get uncomfortable. Every time I mention us having a future in front of anyone, she gets all defensive and pretends like we haven't discussed it at length!"

"We haven't discussed it at length." Pippa said and Liam looked at her.

"But we agreed." He protested

"No you told me what we were doing. I never got a say."

"What do you mean you never got a say?"

"I have said since the moment you met me that I didn't want children! You have known all along that it was something that I didn't want to do but you take absolutely no notice!"

"What is your objection?"

"It's me that's given up alcohol and coffee and fish and exercise and driving more than about 5 minutes and I don't even want this child."

"Wait, are you actually pregnant?" Charles asked, his face panicked.

"She could be, she won't find out." Liam told him and she shook her head.

"I fucking told you I'm not! I told you and then I told you again and I told you again! Why don't you fucking believe me?!" She screamed, tears streaming down her face. I lifted Sam into my arms and carried him upstairs away from the row. Charles put his arms around his sister shielding her from Liam's harsh glare.

"You haven't done any tests so how can you possibly know?" Kinders spat. "You haven't had your period and you are as bitchy as hell!"

"THAT IS ENOUGH!" Charles shouted.

"Why are they arguing?" Sam asked me and I shook my head.

"Sometimes grown-ups can't get along. But then they all make friends again afterwards." I told him. How about you put your pyjamas on and I'll come and check on you in a minute?" I handed him the Spiderman backpack that Pippa had got for him. I started down the stairs and saw virtually the same scene that I'd left. Pippa and Charles in one corner of the room and Liam in the other.

"Do you know how I know I'm not pregnant?" Pippa said and Liam stood up straight. "When I went for my army medical check-up that I had to have for my court-martial, they said if I wanted to get back in if they let me off, there was absolutely no way that I could have a kid, they said that I should be on birth control because I would not get another tour if I got pregnant in the next eighteen months. There, are you fucking happy?"

"You were on birth control? All this fucking time? And you let me believe that you weren't?"

"I was doing everything you wanted, no coffee, no alcohol, no excessive exercise, no fish, less driving, taking vitamins. Everything! What were you doing different? Nothing! I didn't even want to get pregnant, that was your idea but it was me that was suffering, me that would have to be pregnant and me that would have to give birth, me that would have to leave the army, me that would have to look after it while you were on tour! You wouldn't have to do any of those things but it was you that wanted the child! How the fuck is that fair, Liam? You didn't even say to me, do you want this, you just forced it on me and I was so fucking tired of saying no that I just gave in! More fool me!"

"Is this true?" Charles looked shocked.

"She's exaggerating" Liam said and Pippa shook her head.

"Which bit am I exaggerating, Liam?"

"I didn't force it on you, Philippa!"

"Let's use this time to have a kid. I don't want kids, not now anyway. But I do and now we have time to do it, who knows when we'll get a chance like this again. I don't want to. All you have to do is have sex. And then have a baby. Yeah but that's not for months. I don't want to. Come on, I really want to be a dad and you love Sam, it'll be just like that. No it won't. Why are you so fucking adverse to it Philippa? I want to go on tour again. You're never gonna go on tour again, you fucked up. I might. You'll never get off. I might. You fucking won't. Well even if I don't I don't want a kid. Just do this one fucking thing for once in your life!" Pippa closed her eyes and recited. Liam covered his mouth with his hand.

"What the fuck was that?" Charles puzzled.

"That was the conversation we had." Pippa said. "Am I right, Liam?"

"It…it…it sounds worse than it actually was." Liam stuttered and Charles shook his head in anger.

"You fucking spoke to her like that?" He asked Liam sternly. Liam looked at the floor. "You fucking spoke to my sister like that?" Liam continued to look at the floor. "YOU FUCKING SPOKE TO MY SISTER – YOUR WIFE – LIKE THAT?" Liam nodded and Charles scoffed. "Get out. Get out of my parents' house! And never come back. If she's stupid enough to go back to you then that's fine but I never want to see you again, ok?" Liam looked at Pippa.

"You fucking lied to me!" He said and she shook her head.

"Not once."

"How can you say that when you admitted that you did?"

"I didn't lie to you. You never said Pippa are you on birth control? If you had I'd have told you."

"Oh that's clever that's very clever but you didn't tell me the truth."

"Two people have to want the kid, Liam! You wouldn't listen when I said I didn't want it. What was I meant to do?"

"Just have the kid?"

"And it would have grown up with me hating it for ruining my life."

"How do you know that?"

"Because all I've ever wanted is the army and you and your stupid fucking kid would've take that away from me!" She sighed.

"Just go Liam." Charles warned and Corporal Kinders turned on his heel and walked towards the door.

"This ain't over Philippa! This ain't fucking over!" He shouted and slammed the door. Pippa exhaled deeply and banged her head against the wall.

"I'm such a selfish bitch." She muttered and squeezed her eyes shut.

"You're not, Pippa. He shouldn't have forced you into it!" I said and she looked at me sat on the stairs.

"No, I shouldn't have lied to him. I should've just told him. Maybe he's right, maybe I would've grown to love it."

"Not as much as you love the army and especially not if it took the army away from you. You can't be hypothetical. Think about me and Rebecca, we didn't plan to have Sam, we were stupid, she got pregnant and was pissed off about it, now, she's really harsh with him because she thinks she had him too young and she missed out on being young. I'm not saying you would be the same but you can't just have a kid, you have to want it. I'm not saying Sam was a mistake but we should've thought about it more. You stopped it from getting that far." Charles told her and she nodded. She stepped over me and ran up the stairs. We heard the door shut.

"I'm gonna fucking kill that man!" Charles shook his head. "She's right in a way, she probably shouldn't have done that behind his back but he is such a bully, he knows how much the army means to her but he insists on putting that below what he wants. She shouldn't be forced to have his kid! She's only twenty five she could do another few tours and then have a kid if that's what she wants."

"I think they just need to decide what they want and tell each other instead of doing their own thing and it having repercussions on both of them." I suggested.

"How did I miss it? How did I not notice? Did you know?"

"She was mentioning something about not wanting kids but him pressuring her into it in the toilets but the way she was talking it sounded like she was actually pregnant. She kept going 'I don't even want a kid but I'm gonna get stuck with one soon' and stuff."

"She would have come off it if they kicked her out. She the kind of person that if they kick her out she will crumble and become vulnerable to any sort of manipulation – it's all that matters to her. She likes the idea of Liam but if she had to choose him or army, well you saw, she chose army. And I think she knows she'll be lucky to get off without a dismissal."

"Shit. Oh, I told Sam I'd go and check on him. I'll be back in a minute." I said. He smiled as I ran upstairs. I read Sam a few stories and tucked him up in bed. Rebecca was clearly being awkward because he had his own room at Vicky and David's so there was no need for Charles to go to hers but I guess I didn't understand the feelings surrounding the divorce, maybe he was being awkward back. I kept thinking about what he said about him and Rebecca and then a throwaway comment Pippa had made about him being with her out of courtesy, it must have been a stand by the girl you knocked up situation. After Sam fell asleep, I crept along the hall, I stopped at Pippa's door but there was no noise. I hoped she was sleeping, it was better than sitting there and thinking too much. I padded downstairs and into the living room where Charles lay sleeping on the sofa. I smiled and headed to bed. Perhaps this kind of life would suit me, I had been nervous when he'd said it was perfect but it clearly wasn't. I knew the fight wasn't over between Pippa and Kinders and there would no doubt be more blazing rows.


	10. Chapter 10

Pippa's POV

My eyes opened slowly and the previous night came flooding back to me. The shouting, the fighting, the revelations. I remembered how hurt Liam looked when I revealed I'd been going behind his back. I felt sick with guilt. I picked up my phone from the bed next to me to see if he'd called. He hadn't. My heart sank. I got up and realised I had fallen asleep in my clothes from the night before. I wandered downstairs and saw Charles asleep on the sofa. He was fiercely protective of me and that was part of what made us so close. Nobody understood. I slipped under his arm and lay next to him on our parents' giant sofa wondering what had happened to the two little kids that had played in the garden for hours on end without a care in the world. Eight tours of Afghan between us, that's what. We started so young and it became all we had ever known and it was all I had wanted. I lay there thinking for ages until Charles stirred and opened his eyes slowly.

"Pip?" He whispered and I nodded. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine." I replied and he raised his eyebrows. "Ok, I'm not fine but I'm nearly fine."

"You're not even close to nearly fucking fine!"

"I tried to have Liam and the Army. Now, I stand to lose both! You wouldn't be fucking fine!"

"Why are you bothered about Liam? He is master of fuckmuppetry when he's not in Afghan and he messes you about?! Does he have some redeeming quality that I don't know about?"

"You can't choose who you fall in love with, Charles."

"I don't believe you are in love with him Pip. You're in love with the idea of him but you're not in love with him."

"I said that to you a million times with Becky and you didn't listen!"

"But Becky was different, I had a duty to her."

"You knocked her up and felt you had to stay with her because of that. She fucked someone else and then somehow you got the blame in the divorce?! He fucks someone else but we're thrown back together by a life-or-death situation but I'll get the blame in the divorce because I'm a liar. I think we both have terrible taste in spouses!"

"You're not a liar."

"I wanted to have it both ways so I concocted a plan and didn't tell him! That's not what you do in a marriage."

"I swear if I hadn't got this fucking limp I'd have flattened him!"

"And I would have been pissed off at you for about a year! I don't want a fucking flat husband!"

"Soon to be ex-husband."

"I need to try and salvage it!"

"Why? He's a dick! You deserve better!"

"Because I saw what that divorce did to you and you didn't love her!"

"What're you trying to say, Pippa?"

"You didn't love her and your divorce almost killed you, I love him so I'll never be able to deal with a divorce."

"You don't have kids, it'll be easier."

"I have to tell him."

"You have to tell him what?"

"You know what I mean, Charles! I gave him the other reason why I don't want to get pregnant. I didn't give him the real one!"

"You said at the time that he could never know and I promised never to tell him. How is telling him about that gonna make a difference. It'll piss him off even more!"

"But at least he'll know! Surely it's better for him to know everything!"

"He wasn't there and you said you wouldn't tell him. There are three people who know about that and I'm damn sure that neither Jackie nor I will tell so if you do why did you make us swear we wouldn't? I have kept that secret from Mum, Dad, even Molly! Mum and Dad deserved to know and to be honest, Liam did too but you chose not to tell him, Pip. Why tell him now?"

"I've hidden things from him our whole marriage! I want to be able to look him in the eye and say I've told him everything!"

"If you rake all that shit up, it will only upset you! I can't see you cry like you cried then again, Philippa! And I won't lie to Mum about why you're crying again either!"

"I'm not asking you to."

"Please, don't make it harder for yourself, Pip!"

I spotted a small figure stood in the doorway. Sam poked his head around the door.

"Hey Monkey!" I smiled and jumped up from the sofa. Sam ran into my arms and I lifted him into the air.

"Good Morning Scamp!" Charles laughed as Sam hugged me.

"Is Uncle Liam here?" Sam asked innocently and I shook my head. "Is he fucking the medic? That's what Mummy said." I turned to Charles who sat there in utter horror. He stood up, wincing as he moved his leg and limped over to where I was stood.

"Sam, we don't say things like that. Mummy might have said it but first of all, it's not true and second of all, it's very naughty words!" He lectured.

"But you say them, and Auntie Pippa says them and Uncle Liam says them. He said them last night!" The seven-year-old protested.

"Well Auntie Pippa and I are grown-ups and Uncle Liam…well he's naughty!"

"Is he not a grown-up?"

"He doesn't act like one!"

"Is it because he's not very nice to Auntie Pippa and you have to atect her."

"Atect!" I muttered under my breath in laughter. What a sweetheart!

"Yes. Because I'm her big brother and that's what big brother's do!" Charles laughed and ruffled my hair. I glared at him playfully.

"Can I have a little sister to atect?" Sam chirped.

"You can maybe have a brother or a sister. I'd have to ask Molly first though." My brother smiled. Sam looked confused.

"Why? I thought I'd have to ask Mummy?"

"Well you could but she'd say no. I say let's ask Molly."

"Can we ask her now?"

"She's sleeping now."

"When she wakes up?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because if you ask a girl if she wants to have kids with you before you've even taken her on a date, she'll run a blo…a blinking mile!"

"Why?"

"It's just how dating works, Scamp, you'll learn this when you get older!"

"You're dating Molly?"

"I hope so!" Charles grinned and my eyes shifted to the door where Molly was gazing at him. She caught my eye and smiled. Charles turned round and spotted Molly, before flushing scarlet. "How much did you…?"

"From its just how dating works…What did you say before that?" She said looking confused.

"I'll tell you later." My brother seemed to sigh with relief.

"Well, I have made you two a lunch reservation at Cloisters." I announced and Molly's face lit up. Charles mouthed 'I fucking love you' and I laughed. "Therefore, Charles, you need to get Sam home or Becky will have your guts for garters."

"That's true. What time did you book for?" Charles rolled his eyes as he thought of his ex-wife.

"Half one." I told him and started to head out of the room.

"Where are you going?"

"I need to speak to Liam."

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"He deserves to know."

"It'll be the end of your marriage!" He warned and I stopped and looked at him.

"I'd rather it ended in truth than continued in lies." I thought aloud and ran up the stairs. A few minutes later, I heard Sam rummaging around his room and I realised that I would have to drop them home because Charles couldn't drive. I grabbed my bag and ran downstairs. Molly caught my arm.

"That other dress, is that for lunch?" She whispered so that Charles wouldn't hear.

"Absolutely! He'll go crazy when he sees it! Trust me!" I beamed and she smiled before running upstairs.

"We need to go, Pip!" Charles was getting impatient.

"Monkey!" I shouted up the stairs. "We need to go now sweetheart!"

"Just coming!" He yelled back. We waited for a few minutes.

"Come on Scamp!" Charles called.

"I'm coming, Daddy. In a minute!" The seven-year-old replied.

"Sam! Get down here now!" Charles raged and my nephew came running down the stairs and looked up at me as he jumped off the bottom one. We walked out and I grabbed my Dad's car keys as Liam had taken my car the night before. Sam jumped into the back and Charles muttered about a car seat before getting into the passenger seat. I got into the driver's seat and drove to Rebecca's house. Charles got out and let Sam out of the back. The child ran up to the door and waited for his dad on the doorstep. Charlie bent down and knocked on my window, I rolled it down.

"Remember, you don't have to tell him! You-" He started and I tried to cut him off. "No Pippa, let me finish. You are not the bad guy in all of this! You have been through so much that he has no idea about! Some of it he will never know! He is a good guy, remember that too, he's just a bit of a tool! And if he won't hear you out then that's more fool him! You are the best he will ever get!"

"Yes, sir!" I joked and he raised his eyebrows.

"I'm serious, Pip."

"I know. But if I don't laugh I'll cry. Bringing it all up is hard." He nodded as I spoke before kissing my cheek and turning away.

"One more thing…I'm probably gonna take Molly back to Mum and Dad's so…you know the drill!"

"I'll stay away for as long as I can!" I laughed and he gave me the thumbs up before he limped up the drive to the door of his former home. I watched the pair of them go inside before driving off to a café in town. I sat down with my cappuccino and plucked up the courage to do what had terrified me all morning. I dialled Liam's number and waited while it rang. Eventually, he answered.

"What do you want?" He grunted.

"To explain…to apologise…to see you." I said and he sighed.

"Well, if you promise no more lies or messed up versions of the truth then I'll meet you at Starbucks in half an hour."

"I swear." I promised almost dying of happiness. It was going to be hard to admit everything to him but at least he would have the whole truth and even if he didn't like it, my conscience was clear.


	11. Chapter 11

"Well you showed up!" Liam muttered as I sat down.

"I asked you here?! You're being a dick and you don't even know what I'm gonna say, Liam!" I retorted and he shrugged. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry that I hid that from you. The reason I hid it was because I didn't think that you would understand but in hindsight, it was a shitty idea!"

"It was a shitty idea. I would've understood if you told me that they told you to do it!"

"No you wouldn't, you would've said "We'll you ain't gonna get back in the army so what's the point" or something."

"You underestimate me but I guess. You have to admit, it's a pretty shit excuse though!"

"I know…" I mumbled and stared at the floor.

"Oh fuck! There's more, isn't there…Let me guess, the idea of having my child repulsed you so much that you had your ovaries removed?"

"It's not always about you Liam. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you. It's not your child I don't want, it's any child…I can't…I just can't…"

"You can't? What the fuck does that mean, Pippa?"

"I can't tell you…I want to but I can't…I don't have the words to make you understand…" My voice quivered as I thought back to that horrible day.

"Pippa...What happened?" He sounded worried, I shook my head and fought back the shaking that was creeping over me. "Pippa? Tell me what happened! As best you can and I will try my hardest to understand…" He moved his chair and put his hand on mine.

"You promise you won't get pissed off?" I asked and he nodded. "Remember on our third tour when I got ill at Bastion? Throwing up all the time. "

"Shit…" He sighed suddenly realising. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Nothing at first. I had no idea. Then when I started getting sick, Charles told me to go to see Jackie because we were friends and I thought she could give me something to stop it, you know like anti-sickness if it was like to do with the heat change. Anyway, she did some tests and she said 'Well you're pregnant, what the fuck are you gonna do?' and I told her I didn't know but not to say anything. Because if they found out it would be game over and I'd be sent home. I swore Charles to secrecy too."

"Wait your fucking brother knew about this? And you didn't tell me?"

"When would have been appropriate to tell you? Tell me? When we were on patrol? When you were dick-waving at the ANA? When you were yelling at me because Geraint was hitting on me?"

"You found time to talk to your brother!"

"He was there when I found out and well, I spent 9 hours a day in his tent, as the Lieutenant and as his sister!"

"And he told you to get rid of it?"

"No! You underestimate him. He said to tell you but there was never a good moment, so I didn't. And then…well then it was too late."

"What do you mean by too late? You mean…you…?" Liam's voice quivered as he realised what I was about to tell him.

"Yes…I had a miscarriage. Jackie said that sometimes these things just happen and we can't control them. I also know from the medical training that I had that stuff like that can happen from stress and strain." I said as tears rolled down his cheeks.

"You should've gone home! There are reasons why you're not supposed to stay in if you're pregnant!"

"I doubt it was that, Liam! Afghan is a second home to me as you well know! And we were at Bastion! Nothing happens!"

"Shit! Me and Geraint?"

"I'm not pointing fingers, but that was more stressful than being in Afghan!"

"Oh my God!" He covered his face with his hands and wiped the tears from his eyes. "When?"

"Two weeks before we left Bastion."

"And you never told me because?"

"What would that have achieved? Honestly?"

"How can you sit there like it's nothing?"

"Ask Charles or Jackie. I was shaken up enough that night to last a lifetime."

"You were upset? So you wanted the baby?" He seemed almost pleased.

"You don't understand. It was an emotional cocktail! I felt sad because you always do, I was in pain, I felt guilty 'cause I'd kind of wished it. God, if Charlie hadn't of been there then God knows what would've happened."

"You wished it?"

"It seemed like an easy way out! I didn't have to tell them that it had been overlooked in my medical to go out to Afghan and I didn't have to do anything myself! Obviously I changed my mind pretty quickly but it had crossed my mind! Don't fucking take the moral high ground because you have no idea!"

"I would if you'd told me!"

"I didn't want you to know because I thought you'd be disappointed in me! I thought you'd have blamed me! I was kind of relieved after I'd calmed down but you'd never have seen it like that."

"So why are you telling me now?"

"Because the thought of getting pregnant again turns my stomach. It brings it all back. I can't do it!" I blurted out and he sat back in his chair still reeling from my revelation. He ran his hand over his head and sighed. I wanted him to understand but I knew he never would. Charles was right, telling him would make it worse.

"Why didn't you say all this when I mentioned it?"

"Because it's killed me to tell you now! I only told you because it's the only way that I can think of to try and save us! It might break us but it's the only think that can possibly fix this mess that I've made!"

"Shit, Pippa! I've been going on at you all this time and you've felt like that for two years! That's why you've been so off the subject, that's why you were so cold about it at our wedding! Now it all makes sense! I thought you were just scared that you would be a bad mother because of the army and stuff! How did I completely miss it?"

"I bounced back within a few days. Charlie and Jack had to cover it all up and pretend I had a bug but it worked and within a few days I had made an act. No one knew. Well nearly no one."

"You mean Jackie and Charles?"

"And…and…yeah Jackie and Charles."

"Who else? You said no more omissions!"

"Geraint." I whispered and his eyes widened. He looked at me as if I was crazy, shaking his head and almost backing away.

"G…G…Geraint?" He fumbled over his words.

"I was trying to get him to back off and it just came out. I didn't want to tell him and God! God, do I wish I hadn't! Maybe he'd still be alive! He was so lovely to me though! He was such a gent! I should've seen beyond that though! I should've realised that he was fragged inside!"

"Geraint Smith knew about this and I didn't?"

"Not purposefully!"

"Did you love him?"

"No!"

"Did you love him?"

"No!"

"Did you love him?"

"No, I didn't love him! He was a good friend but I didn't love him like that!"

"Why him?"

"Because I was trying to get him to back off!"

"No, why did you kiss him?"

"Why did you fuck Kara Thomas?"

"To piss you off but why him? Why not any of the other boys?"

"Because he was there and he kissed me first! I only kissed him back 'cause you were there!"

"So there was nothing between you?"

"Nothing! I'm shit at feelings! How could I have had feelings for two people at once!?"

"Because I don't know if I believe everything that comes out of your mouth!"

"Un-fucking-believable! What I did today was really hard but you won't lay off the fuckmuppetry and accusations!"

"I can't get over the fact that you told Geraint and not me! Was it Geraint's baby? Was that it?"

"You really think that low of me? You know full well that I met Geraint at Brize Norton the day that tour went out! I was already pregnant then…by you."

"How can I know that?"

"Look, if I didn't love you, why would I have stayed this long? Why would I have married you? You have treated me like shit so many times but I've never walked away, my parents hate you and they've wanted us to get divorced for the past year but I stayed with you! What does that tell you?" I kept my voice low but my tone forceful. Realising his mistake, my guilty-looking husband was speechless. "I'm going to leave now. You need to think about whether you want to forgive me for the cock-ups that I've made and move on or whether you want to walk away. If you want to fight for this, you ring me tomorrow and you apologise for speaking to me like shit this time and all the times before and we'll make a go of it. If not, call my solicitor, Charles or my dad will give you the number, I'm not sure of her name." I got up and left him sitting there. I couldn't go back to my parents' house but I didn't want to go back there. I got in the car and just drove, I didn't even think about where!

An hour later, without realising it, I had driven to Newport. I parked up on Church Lane and wandered into the graveyard. Geraint had been such a good friend to me in Afghan and I still felt such guilt over his death. The way he had comforted me when I poured my heart out the night before he died was beyond the call of a comrade. It was the act of a true friend. He put all of his feelings for me aside and gave me what I needed most, a mate. I could never repay that and I would never forgive myself. I approached his grave and saw Candy and Smurf stood by it, Candy spotted me and signalled for me to come over. I walked over slowly, still in my dress from the night before, my hair and make-up all over the place and she put her arm around my waist.

"Thank you for coming, love." She whispered. "He would appreciate it."

"I miss him." I said and she nodded.

"We all do." Smurf agreed and took my hand.


End file.
